We stand outside the gates of a noble manor house, perched on the top of a hill
The sign says it is Bedlam Manor, property of Sam, Duke of Yosemite.
A man with a quill behind his ear and wearing a fluffy cravat is addressing Yosemite Sam
Clerk: But, but sire – there is no more money! Your uncle the king has cut off your allowance.
Yosemite Sam: You know the penalty for not having the books balanced
Clerk: Oh no! Not the nose in the book penalty!
Sam: Yeah, the nose in the book.
The scribe walks over and leans down into the book and Sam slams it shut on his nose.
Sam: We gotta get some money!
The scribe stands there, upright, with the book stuck on his nose.
The doorbell rings.
Sam rushes to answer it, in an angry mood
Bugs is at the door, dressed in a court suit, with fluffy cravat.
Sam: Oooooh, well wadya want?
Bugs Bunny: Good evening. My company has selected you to become the proud owner of legal tender amounting to –
Sam: (yells) We don’t want any!
Sam slams the door shut and walks away
Bugs: (through the door) one million pounds
Sam comes running back to the door, and glances at the camera as he throws open the door
Sam: A million pounds!
Sam is now extremely polite and bows to Bugs – it doesn’t sound at all like him!
Sam: Well, come right in
Sam gently puts hi arm around Bugs and gently ushers him in. Pastoral music is playing.
Sam: (mild mannered voice) Welcome to the house of Sam
Bugs is reading a long document to Sam
Bugs: and so, to make certain that this money be received by a worthy person of mild temperament, the bearer of the document – that’s me – has been authorised to deduct from the total amount any sum he sees fit whenever there is any display of temper.
Bugs puts the document away
Bugs: In short, whenever you blow your top, you blow some dough. Get it?
Sam: (mild mannered voice) Prithee, allow me to be your most ‘umble and mild tempered host
Bugs and Sam are eating – each at different ends of a very long table
Bugs: (calling) Oh, ah, Sam! Pass the salt, please!
Sam: (yelling) Salt? Get it yourself!
We pan in on Bugs
Bugs: Uh oh, that’ll cost you about, uh –
Sam: (mild mannered voice) Salt? Why didn’t you say so?
Sam carries the salt all the way down to the far end of the table.
Sam: (mild mannered voice) Here’s your salt, bunny. I hope you like it.
Sam walks back to his seat, muttering under his breath.
Before Sam quite reaches his seat, Bugs calls out again.
Bugs: Oh, ah, the pepper, please?
Sam: (angrily) Pepper? Wee, wer, :recovers himself: (mild mannered voice) Yeah! The pepper! Coming right up!
Sam: Ooh, that brackerep-frackerrup toputerlomafrom…
Again, Sam doesn’t quite regain his seat when Bugs calls out again
Bugs: Oh Sam!
Sam: Oh no
Sam looks back at Bugs with a look of resignation
Bugs: How about the olives?
Sam leaps in the air in his usual fashion
Sam: Ooooh! –
Sam cuts himself off and claps his hands over his mouth.
With his hands still over his mouth, he runs out of the room, where he can curse in private
Sam: That dirty perka shark bac flacking porten filip bunkum barten perkalooma berton dirton busha darton barton
Back in the dining room, we can hear Sam through the door
Sam comes back into the room.
Sam: (mild mannered voice) Heheh, now what was that you were saying? I like you rabbit.
Sam kisses Bugs on the nose
Bugs: I heard you in there! That’ll cost you 300 pounds!
Sam: (yelling) 300 pounds?!?!?!?
Sam: (yelling) Oooohhhh!!
Sam is dancing back and forth
Sam claps his hands over his mouth and runs out the front door and down the path, to find somewhere to curse where Bugs can’t hear him
He runs down the path to an adjoining hill
Sam: :cursing stream:
Bugs is reclined on a lounge while Sam faces him
Bugs: err, I’m not sleepy, I’ll, a, hang around a while. Good night, Sam.
Sam: Nightie, night bunny
Sam curses as he goes up the stairs
It is night time, the moon is out above the manor and Sam’s bedroom light goes out.
Bugs starts singing, accompanying himself on a grand piano
Bugs: ♪ I dream of a Genie , she’s a light brown hare. latidi da! la dade …
Sam burst out of his bedroom in his night robe and night cap, and yells from the top of the stairs
Sam: (yelling) Stop that music you crazy wracking fracking varmin rabbit!
Bugs: Well! That should be worth 400 pounds!
Sam runs down the stairs and changes to his mild voice.
Sam: (mild mannered voice) Hee, hee – I was only kidding. Err, how about singing me to sleep with that Brahms Lullaby. Wadya say, Frankie boy?
Bugs: Er, well, maybe!
Sam is asleep in bed when he starts bouncing up and down to a loud noise
Bugs is playing a marching band drum and singing outside his bedroom door
Bugs: ♪ Tum to da! Ta da ti dadadada ti tada!
Bugs open’s Sam’s door and peeks his head in
Bugs: You like it?
Sam: (mild voice) I like it! I like it!
Sam puts his head back under the covers and we hear him muttering
Sam: (muttering) wracking fracking schlacken fack
It is the next morning. Sam is in his bathrobe and is carrying a towel, heading to the bathroom
We hear Bugs singing from the bathroom
Sam finds the door is locked and bangs angrily on the door
Sam: (Yelling) Get out of there!
Bugs opens the door so rapidly he knocks Sam behind it
Bugs looks around in confusion because there is no one there, shrugs and shuts the door again
Sam is squashed against the wall, but recovers quickly, cartoon style. He does look a little the worse for wear
Sam runs back to the door, bangs on it again and pulls on the handle
Sam: Come out of there you bladdest flacking nat trap, or I’ll –
Bugs: (from inside the bathroom) I heard you. Thats gonna cost you 400 pounds
Bugs: and 35 shillings
Sam runs over and bangs his head on the grand piano, in a very discordant manner
Bugs opens the bathroom door and sticks his head out
Bugs: Hey doc! Whats that song you’re playing? I like it!
Doc shuts the bathroom door again
Sam runs back to the bathroom door
Sam: :muttering: dirt shaking battle sharding flat…
Sam addresses the camera
Sam: If this keeps up I won’t have anything left! I’ll get rid of him and make it look like an accident
Sam gets a saw and cuts a hole in the floor outside the bathroom door
Cutting to an outside view, we can see the floor is unsupported over a high gorge, with a river at the bottom which is big enough to carry large boats
Sam puts a mat over the new hole in the floor
He then knocks on the bathroom door
Sam: Oh Mr Bunny! There’s someone at the door for yer
Bugs (calling through the bathroom door): Tell them to come back tomorrow – I’ll be here all day
Sam: What? Oh, no you’re not! You’re coming out right now!
Sam puts his shoulder to the bathroom door and forces his way in
Sam forces Bugs out of the bathroom, but Bugs is scooted straight over the hole and Sam falls in it.
Sam curses all the way down, as he falls with a whistling sound
Sam comes in the front door, dripping wet.
Bugs is finally coming out of the bathroom
Bugs: OK, Sam, its all yours!
Sam runs over to Bugs
Sam: Why you b –
Bugs was standing on the other side of the hole from Sam and Sam has fallen in. Again.
Again, he makes a wonderful whistling sound as he falls all the way down, and curses all the way
Bugs is climbing some stairs
Bugs: Phew! The Alps have got nothing on these stairs for climbing!
It is a very long climb to the top with at least 4 flights of stairs
As Bugs reaches the top there is a statue with an axe to his left.
This turns out to be Sam, who swings at Bugs, but misses and falls down all the stairs.
His suit of armour crashing and clanging and Sam curses all the way
Bugs makes notes through out the whole fall, deducting money for each curse
Bugs is perched across a throne, sideways
Sam runs up to him
Sam: :mild voice: I got it licked, rabbit – I don’t get mad no more
Sam: Watch this!
Sam has his servants alternately throw a custard pie in his face, hit him with a rolling pin and kick him
Sam: See? :laughs: I can take it! :laughs:
The servants repeat
Bugs (to the camera) : I haven’t got the heart to tell him that he’s used up all the money
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