Opening Scene
We stand outside the gates of a noble manor house, perched on the top of a hill
The sign says it is Bedlam Manor, property of Sam, Duke of Yosemite.

A man with a quill behind his ear and wearing a fluffy cravat is addressing Yosemite Sam

Clerk: But, but sire – there is no more money! Your uncle the king has cut off your allowance.

Yosemite Sam: You know the penalty for not having the books balanced

Clerk: Oh no! Not the nose in the book penalty!

Sam: Yeah, the nose in the book.

The scribe walks over and leans down into the book and Sam slams it shut on his nose.

Sam: We gotta get some money!

The scribe stands there, upright, with the book stuck on his nose.

The doorbell rings.

Sam rushes to answer it, in an angry mood

Bugs is at the door, dressed in a court suit, with fluffy cravat.

Sam: Oooooh, well wadya want?

Bugs Bunny: Good evening. My company has selected you to become the proud owner of legal tender amounting to –

Sam: (yells) We don’t want any!

Sam slams the door shut and walks away

Bugs: (through the door) one million pounds

Sam comes running back to the door, and glances at the camera as he throws open the door

Sam: A million pounds!

Sam is now extremely polite and bows to Bugs – it doesn’t sound at all like him!

Sam: Well, come right in

Sam gently puts hi arm around Bugs and gently ushers him in. Pastoral music is playing.

Sam: (mild mannered voice) Welcome to the house of Sam

New Scene

Bugs is reading a long document to Sam

Bugs: and so, to make certain that this money be received by a worthy person of mild temperament, the bearer of the document – that’s me – has been authorised to deduct from the total amount any sum he sees fit whenever there is any display of temper.

Bugs puts the document away

Bugs: In short, whenever you blow your top, you blow some dough. Get it?

Sam: (mild mannered voice) Prithee, allow me to be your most ‘umble and mild tempered host

New Scene

Bugs and Sam are eating – each at different ends of a very long table

Bugs: (calling) Oh, ah, Sam! Pass the salt, please!

Sam: (yelling) Salt? Get it yourself!

We pan in on Bugs

Bugs: Uh oh, that’ll cost you about, uh –

Sam: (mild mannered voice) Salt? Why didn’t you say so?

Sam carries the salt all the way down to the far end of the table.

Sam: (mild mannered voice) Here’s your salt, bunny. I hope you like it.

Sam walks back to his seat, muttering under his breath.

Before Sam quite reaches his seat, Bugs calls out again.

Bugs: Oh, ah, the pepper, please?

Sam: (angrily) Pepper? Wee, wer, :recovers himself: (mild mannered voice) Yeah! The pepper! Coming right up!

Sam: Ooh, that brackerep-frackerrup toputerlomafrom…

Again, Sam doesn’t quite regain his seat when Bugs calls out again

Bugs: Oh Sam!

Sam: Oh no

Sam looks back at Bugs with a look of resignation

Bugs: How about the olives?

Sam leaps in the air in his usual fashion

Sam: Ooooh! –

Sam cuts himself off and claps his hands over his mouth.

With his hands still over his mouth, he runs out of the room, where he can curse in private

Sam: That dirty perka shark bac flacking porten filip bunkum barten perkalooma berton dirton busha darton barton

Back in the dining room, we can hear Sam through the door

Sam comes back into the room.

Sam: (mild mannered voice) Heheh, now what was that you were saying? I like you rabbit.

Sam kisses Bugs on the nose

Bugs: I heard you in there! That’ll cost you 300 pounds!

Sam: (yelling) 300 pounds?!?!?!?

Bugs: 400.

Sam: (yelling) Oooohhhh!!

Sam is dancing back and forth

Sam claps his hands over his mouth and runs out the front door and down the path, to find somewhere to curse where Bugs can’t hear him

He runs down the path to an adjoining hill

Sam: :cursing stream:

New Scene

Bugs is reclined on a lounge while Sam faces him

Bugs: err, I’m not sleepy, I’ll, a, hang around a while. Good night, Sam.

Sam: Nightie, night bunny

Sam curses as he goes up the stairs

New Scene

It is night time, the moon is out above the manor and Sam’s bedroom light goes out.

Bugs starts singing, accompanying himself on a grand piano

Bugs: ♪ I dream of a Genie , she’s a light brown hare. latidi da! la dade …

Sam burst out of his bedroom in his night robe and night cap, and yells from the top of the stairs

Sam: (yelling) Stop that music you crazy wracking fracking varmin rabbit!

Bugs: Well! That should be worth 400 pounds!

Sam runs down the stairs and changes to his mild voice.

Sam: (mild mannered voice) Hee, hee – I was only kidding. Err, how about singing me to sleep with that Brahms Lullaby. Wadya say, Frankie boy?

Bugs: Er, well, maybe!

New Scene

Sam is asleep in bed when he starts bouncing up and down to a loud noise

Bugs is playing a marching band drum and singing outside his bedroom door

Bugs: ♪ Tum to da! Ta da ti dadadada ti tada!

Bugs open’s Sam’s door and peeks his head in

Bugs: You like it?

Sam: (mild voice) I like it! I like it!

Sam puts his head back under the covers and we hear him muttering

Sam: (muttering) wracking fracking schlacken fack

New Scene

It is the next morning. Sam is in his bathrobe and is carrying a towel, heading to the bathroom

We hear Bugs singing from the bathroom

Sam finds the door is locked and bangs angrily on the door

Sam: (Yelling) Get out of there!

Bugs opens the door so rapidly he knocks Sam behind it

Bugs looks around in confusion because there is no one there, shrugs and shuts the door again

Sam is squashed against the wall, but recovers quickly, cartoon style. He does look a little the worse for wear

Sam runs back to the door, bangs on it again and pulls on the handle

Sam: Come out of there you bladdest flacking nat trap, or I’ll –

Bugs: (from inside the bathroom) I heard you. Thats gonna cost you 400 pounds

Sam: Oooh!

Bugs: and 35 shillings

Sam: Ooooh!

Sam runs over and bangs his head on the grand piano, in a very discordant manner

Bugs opens the bathroom door and sticks his head out

Bugs: Hey doc! Whats that song you’re playing? I like it!

Doc shuts the bathroom door again

Sam runs back to the bathroom door

Sam: :muttering: dirt shaking battle sharding flat…

Sam addresses the camera

Sam: If this keeps up I won’t have anything left! I’ll get rid of him and make it look like an accident

Sam gets a saw and cuts a hole in the floor outside the bathroom door

Cutting to an outside view, we can see the floor is unsupported over a high gorge, with a river at the bottom which is big enough to carry large boats

Sam puts a mat over the new hole in the floor

He then knocks on the bathroom door

Sam: Oh Mr Bunny! There’s someone at the door for yer

Bugs (calling through the bathroom door): Tell them to come back tomorrow – I’ll be here all day

Sam: What? Oh, no you’re not! You’re coming out right now!

Sam puts his shoulder to the bathroom door and forces his way in

Sam forces Bugs out of the bathroom, but Bugs is scooted straight over the hole and Sam falls in it.

Sam curses all the way down, as he falls with a whistling sound

New Scene

Sam comes in the front door, dripping wet.

Bugs is finally coming out of the bathroom

Bugs: OK, Sam, its all yours!

Sam runs over to Bugs

Sam: Why you b –

Bugs was standing on the other side of the hole from Sam and Sam has fallen in. Again.

Again, he makes a wonderful whistling sound as he falls all the way down, and curses all the way

New Scene

Bugs is climbing some stairs

Bugs: Phew! The Alps have got nothing on these stairs for climbing!

It is a very long climb to the top with at least 4 flights of stairs

As Bugs reaches the top there is a statue with an axe to his left.
This turns out to be Sam, who swings at Bugs, but misses and falls down all the stairs.
His suit of armour crashing and clanging and Sam curses all the way

Bugs makes notes through out the whole fall, deducting money for each curse

New Scene

Bugs is perched across a throne, sideways

Sam runs up to him

Sam: :mild voice: I got it licked, rabbit – I don’t get mad no more

Sam: Watch this!

Sam has his servants alternately throw a custard pie in his face, hit him with a rolling pin and kick him

Sam: See? :laughs: I can take it! :laughs:

The servants repeat

Bugs (to the camera) : I haven’t got the heart to tell him that he’s used up all the money