Bugs Bunny attempts a peaceful, quiet holiday in the Ozarks, but is annoyed by two hillbillies who claim they are feuding with him. Tricking them into a square dancing competition, you know it will only end badly for them!


:peaceful music:

Map: the Ozarks, in Kansas

We see an Idyllic Countryside

Bugs (off-camera, sings): I like mountain music, good old mountain music, played by a real hillbilly band

The camera pans to show Bugs walking down a dirt country road

Bugs (speaks): vacation in the Ozarks. So quiet, so peaceful, so far from harm and danger, so –

A gun pokes Bugs in the head

Bugs: Huh?

Bugs looks up the barrel of the gun to see an eye looking back at him. The eye blinks

Bugs laughs dismissively

Bugs: Oh, Murgatroyd, look what crawled out of the woodwork!

We see a hillbilly with stereotypical one-shouldered dungarees and large hat.
He pulls the trigger on his long rifle, the hammer clicks and the reaction slowly work its way down the gun
There is a loud explosion and when the smoke clears we see that Bugs’ carrot has been shot full of holes, but he is fine

Bugs: Nyee, what’s up, doc?

Curt: Be y’all a Martin or be y’all a Coy, Rabbit?

Bugs: (coyly): well, my friends say I am very coy. Teehee

Curt: A Coy? Square off, you shote, me and you is feuding on account of I’m a Martin

Curt pulls the trigger again. The shot proceeds slowly again

Bugs: Boohoo, Now I’ll never see my wife and youngins again. Boohoohoo.

We cut back to Curt who is suddenly shocked, then angry

Curt: Hey you durn fool, whats the idea of tieing knots in my rifle barrel?

The camera pans back and we see that Bugs has tied a bow in the end of the gun. The gun fires in his face

Curt: just call me freckles

Bugs: Well, that’s that – now to get back to that peace and quiet I was talking about

Another gun barrel, even longer than the first, pokes Bugs

Pumpkinhead Martin: Who art thou, critter

Bugs: and just who might you be?

Pumpkinhead Martin: I might be Teddy Roosevelt, but I ain’t. My name is Pumpkinhead Martin and I seen what you all done to my brother

Bugs: Your brother? well, glad to know you Pumpkin

Bugs attempts to shakes hands with Pumpkinhead

Bugs: any brother of your brother is a –

P (interrupts): Hold the phone, long ears. I’m aiming to terminate this little feud right now. Now hold still…

Pumpkin pulls the trigger. The charge takes so long on the longer gun that Bugs has time to sneak along under the gun and remove the wooden stock,

P: Huh?

Bugs take the stock back to other end of the rifle, replaces it there and *deus ex machine* the shot is now going the other way

Pumpkinhead waves goodbye to us. The shot explodes. When the smoke clears, Pumpkinhead’s hat is full of holes. Pumpkinhead shakes out shot from his ears, empties shot from his hat, and removes a small bird from his beard that has a bump on its head.

New scene:

Curt and Pumpkinhead walk along with their guns ready

Curt: That ‘ere rabbit critter is bound to be around here somewheres… (he sees rabbit prints) on account of I sees his footie-prints

Pumpkinhead (points): Hey, there’s the varmint now

Bugs (singing to the tune of ‘Pop goes the Weasel’ as he walks): rumdebump de diddledy dump there goes the weasel

A gun shot fires across the scene, hitting the top of Bugs’ carrot. Another hits the bottom of his carrot

Bugs: persisterdent little cusses, ain’t they?

Curt: Get ‘im Pumpkinhead

Pumpkinhead: We got him cornered, Curt

They run towards Bugs

The camera cut to Bugs, who flees into a building painted red and marked ‘danger explosives’ in BIG LETTERS. Bugs shuts the door behind him. Curt and Pumpkinhead follow him into the building

Curt: He can’t escape us now!

Pumpkinhead: Where is he? Where’s the critter at?

Curt: Sakes a mighty, its so dark in here I can’t see nothing

Bugs: nyeee, let’s light up, here, use my lighter

Bugs quietly exits building,

:sound of lighter being tried:

Curt: Darned thing won’t work

:sound of lighter being tried:

Bugs sneaks away from building and waits under nearby tree

Bugs (calls out): Keep trying

:sound of lighter being tried:

The building explodes

Curt (comes out door of shed): I think you all are using too strong a fluid

New scene

Curt and Pumpkinhead are running down a hill

Curt: We’ll get that critter if’n it takes until doomsday

They run past a building marked ‘General Store’, with a big banner saying ‘Square dance tomorry night’ hung over the store name

Bugs, disguised as a scantily dressed girl, comes out of the store onto the porch.
Bugs whistles to hail the boys as they pass and then looks seductive
The boys screech to a stop and drop their guns

Bugs (sultry girl voice): whats your hurry, buys?

Pumpkinhead’s eyes are about to fall out of his head

Curt: Wahhoo, Nelly!

Pumpkinhead wolf whistles

The boys run back to the store

Bugs (sultry girl voice): Y’all care to practice with me for the square dancin’ tomorrow?

Curt (removes hat and bows): deeelighted, ma’am

Pumpkinhead (removes hat and bows): same likewise I’m sure, ma’am

Pumpkinhead (makes pussycat noises): rao, rao

They all enter the store, which is clear except for a jukebox

Bugs (sultry girl voice): Oh, ah, pardon me – one of you gents got a spare nickel so as I can juice up the juke box?

Pumpkinhead: Here you is

Curt rushes forward and grabs the nickel so that he is the one who actually hands it to Bugs

Curt: Ma’am

Bugs (sultry girl voice): Thanks just all-to-pieces

Bugs puts the coin in the juke box

Bugs (sultry girl voice): Sour belly trio coming right up

The juke box contains an animatronic square dance ensemble. Tuning-up sounds come from the juke box

Animatronic Caller: Lets all square dance

Animatronic Caller: Places all

The music starts and Bugs, Curt and Pumpkinhead follow the caller’s instructions

Animatronic Caller: Bow to your corner

Animatronic Caller: Bow to your own

Animatronic Caller: Three hands up and round you go

Animatronic Caller: Break it up with a dose-do

Animatronic Caller: Chicken in the bread pan, kicking out dough

Animatronic Caller: Skip to the Lou, my darling

Animatronic Caller: The old lady out, you pretty little thing. Promenade around the ring

Animatronic Caller: Big foot up and little foot down. Make that big foot jar the ground

Animatronic Caller: Lady step back and two gents in. Back you go and forward again

Animatronic Caller: Step right up with an elbow swing. Skip to the Lou my darling

Animatronic Caller: Allemande left with the old left hand

Bugs dances back to the jukebox,

Animatronic Caller: Follow through with the right and left grand

Animatronic Caller: Meet your honey with a great big smile

Bugs discards his girl-disguise, picks up a fiddle and puts on a big floppy hat

Animatronic Caller: Promenade Indian style

Bugs pulls the plug between the caller’s breaths, taking over the calling

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Promenade across the floor. Sashay right on out the door

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Out the door and into the glade. And everybody promenade

They leave the building and go down the steps to the road

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Step right up you’re doing fine. I’ll pull your beard, you pull mine

Curt and pumpkinhead pull each other’s beards

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Hit me again like you did before. Break it up with a tug of war

The boys cross the bridge, pulling each others beards

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Now into the brook and fish for the trout

The boys dive into the brook

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Dive right in and splash about. Trout, trout, pretty little trout

There is much splashing in the brook

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: One more splash and come rght out

The boys dance out of the pond, arm in arm

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Shake like a hound dog, shake again. Wallow around in the old pig pen

The boys dive into the mud

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Wallow some more, y’all know how. Roll around like an old fat sow

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Allemande left with your left hand. Follow through with a right and left brand

pumpkin head turns out to be dancing with the pig, who looks shy

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Now leave your partner the dirty old thing. Follow through with an elbow swing

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Grab a fence post hold it tight. Whamp your partner with all your might

the boys start hitting each other

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Hit him in the shin, hit him in the head. Hit him again, the critter ain’t dead

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Wamp him low and whamp him high. Stick your finger in his eye

The boys fight

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Pretty little rhythm, pretty little sound. Bang your head against the ground

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Promemade all around the room. Promenade like a bride and groom

the boys march, hand in hand

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Open up the door and step right in

Bugs opens the door to the hay baler. The boys step inside and bugs shuts and locks the door

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Close the door and into a spin. Whirl, whirl, twist and twirl

Bugs turns on the baler

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Jump all around like a flying squirr’l

camera pans along the baler – its cleaer the boys are passing through the machine

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Now don’t you cuss and don’t you swear. just come right out and form a square

The boys are popped out of a toaster at the end of the baler, tied to bales of hay

The music continues, the boys are free from the bales

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Now right hand over and left hand under. Both join hands and run like thunder

the boys run

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Over the hill abnd over the dale. Duck your head (the boys duck under a tree branch) and lift your tail (the boys jump a fence)

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Don’t you stray and don’t you roam

the boys run right to the edge of a cliff

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Turn around and promenade home

The boys stop with one foot each over the edge, turn and come back, wiping sweat form their foreheads

Bugs, ‘square dance calling voice’: Corn in the breadbin, wheat in the sack. Turn your partner and promenade back

They take hands and walk back to the cliff edge. Holding hands, looking back over their shoulders at Bugs, they wlk off the edge of the cliff. They walk on air and then fall when they have tim to notice what they are doing

There is a falling sound and a thud when they land

The music continues, bug bugs is speaking now, not calling

Bugs: and now you’re home

Bugs: bow to your partner

The boys confusedly bow

Bugs: bow to the gent across the hall

Bugs: and that is all!~

Bugs plays fiddle