Opening Scene

A silhouette of an old jalopy, coughing smoke out the exhaust and bouncing up and down, as it travels along a dirt road.

The camera zooms in to show “US Mail” written on the side of the vehicle.

The car pulls up beside a letter box marked “Bertram Bonny” and the postman puts a letter in the letter box.

The letter, addressed to B Bonny, sits precariously in the letter box and the exhaust from the car attempting to restart is enough to waft it gently up into the air, across the countryside, until comes to a rest balanced on the rim of a bunny hole marked “B. Bunny”.

As we watch, a gentle gust of wind unbalances it, and it falls down into the rabbit hole.

New Scene

Inside Bugs Bunny’s rabbit hole, we see Bugs, still in nightgown, doing his morning exercises, with a half-asleep look on his face.

Bugs Bunny: 1-2-3

Bugs has his arms out and is lifting them to his shoulders then over his head.

Bugs Bunny: 1-2-3

The letter gently wafts down the rabbit hole and lands behind him. Bugs does not see it.

Bugs Bunny: 1-2-3 1-2-3 1-2-3 1-2-3

Bugs stops the arm motion and yawns. His ears continue the motion.

Bugs stops yawning and changes exercises. Now he is swinging from side to side.

Bugs Bunny: 1-2 1-2

The camera cuts to the envelope, lying forlornly on the floor. We see it says B BONNY. The camera cuts to the bed which is clearly labelled B. BUNNY, and then cuts back to the envelope again.

Bugs continues his exercises throughout this

Bugs Bunny: 1-2 1-2

The counting stops.

Bugs Bunny: What’s this? A letter? B. Bunny. For me! Now where’d that come from?

Bugs looks around and scratches his head

Bugs Bunny: Oh well.

He tears the envelope open.

Bugs Bunny: (reading from the letter) mutter mutter The President of The United States mutter mutter oh thats nice mutter mutter hereby notified … been selected … training areas … report local board.

Bugs looks up from the letter with a shocked look on his face

Bugs Bunny: Holy cats! I’ve been drafted!

New Scene

A flag flies above a building marked “U.S. Army Induction Center”.

Bugs (off screen): Neeeeee, pardon me, Mack

The camera cuts to a soldier standing on guard. Bugs has come up behind him.

Bugs Bunny: But, err, where does a fellow go to take his physical?

Guard: Right up these stairs, buddy

Bugs walks past him and up the stairs, carrying a little bag.

The guard sees him for the first time and sags a little. He then turns and addresses the audience.

Guard: So they’re inducting rabbits.

The guard returns to attention.

New Scene

A line of undressed men (viewed from the waist up), in profile. Bugs is 3rd in line. All the men are much taller than Bugs. The line slowly steps forward.

The man behind Bugs looks down and notices him. He glances sideways at the audience, laughs nervously and goes back to staring ahead.

The line is for an xray. A doctor is sitting in front of the xray screen, evaluating each candidate.

Doctor: (in a calm confident voice) Next.

The fellow currently showing on the screen walks away.

Bugs walks onto the screen, and we see a rabbit skeleton

The Doctor makes a note on his clipboard, then turns to see his next patient.

He looks shocked at seeing a rabbit.

Doctor (to himself): Overworked

The doctor puts a thermometer in his own mouth and takes his own pulse.

New Scene

Bugs is standing in an office.

A standard eyesight test chart is being shown to Bugs

Attendant: Now then, I want you to read as much of this chart as you can.

Bugs reads the chart perfectly – including the microscopic text showing the chart printing credits at the bottom.

The attendant looks nonplussed, then reaches off screen for a magnifying glass, which he uses to check the wording

Attendant: Errr… yup.

New Scene

The men are again in line, this time with their new army clothes.

New Scene

The men are in uniform and lined up outside. Bugs is in a uniform about 4 times too big for him.

Bugs Bunny: This is the army?

Sergeant: Yes, this is the army. Atten-hut!

The men stand to attention. Bugs is about one-third of the height of the other men in line.

Sergeant: About face!

The men all turn around and Bugs, with oversized shoes, manages to knock all the men over. They make a sound like ten pins falling.

The Sergeant looks shocked as they go over. He narrows his eyes and then yells

Sergeant: You! Come here!

Bugs marches up to him, still in his ridiculously 4-times too big clothing

Bugs (saluting, but his sleeve covers his face): Private Bugs Bunny reporting, your majesty, sir.

The Sergeant pretends to be pleased.

Sergeant: Oh! Private Bugs Bunny, eh? Well, I’m Sergeant Porky Pig

A voice comes from behind the Sergeant. He jumps to attention

Colonel: Sergeant! And I am Colonel Putty Cat. General Tweetie Pie was asking about you, Sergeant.

The colonel walks over behind Bugs.

Colonel: Mmmm-hmmm. One of your men, I presume, Sergeant? About –

Bugs lifts his foot ready to turn.

Sergeant: Oh, no!

Colonel: – face!

Bugs turns and his turn knocks over the Colonel, with ten pins falling sound again.

New Scene

Bugs is carrying a heavy pack as he climbs a hill under a grueling sun. The Sergeant, unladen, follows him.

Sergeant: Hut-two-three-four. Hut-two-three-four. Hut-two-three-four.

Bugs has gritted teeth and the sergeant is sweating. We see that the Sergeant has lost a stripe, presumably because Bugs knocked over the Colonel.

New Scene

Night has fallen. Bugs and the Sergeant are just returning to camp. They are not walking anymore, they are crawling.

Sergeant: Hut… two… three.. four..

New Scene

Having reached the barracks, Bugs has climbed on to the top bunk.
Rather than remove his shoes, he just unpeals them from his toes. Steam bursts out from his rosey red toes. Bugs flops down and falls asleep without undressing.

Almost immediately (it seems) the sun rises and reveille is played.

Bugs Bunny: Why I’ll murder that bugler.

Bugs gets up and leaves the barracks with a baseball bat.

Bugs crosses the compound and exits stage right.

Reveille continues until we hear the crunching noise of Bugs hitting it.

Bugs Bunny: Thats that

Bugs crosses back across the compound with the baseball bat, now broken, over his shoulder.

Bugs Bunny: Now for a leisurely hot bath

The camera shows a shot of a broken record player.

New Scene

The colonel marches across the compound, smoothing his hair.

The camera cuts to Bugs having an outdoors bath. He is sitting in his helmet with a red shower cap on his head. He has a large bath brush to wash his back and there are bubbles.

Bugs (sings): Singing in the bath tub! la dee dee dee dee

The Sergeant approaches and is horrified that Bugs is having a bath.

Bugs looks up at him

Bugs Bunny: Cleanliness is next to godliness, they always say

The Sergeant grabs Bugs out of his bath and looks around desperately

He throws Bugs off scene then runs off with the helmet, still full of water and bubbles

The Sergeant runs into the colonel who grabs the helmet and puts it on his own head, unaware it is full of water. Water goes all over him. The colonel blows bubbles.

New Scene

Sergeant: Now look, buster.

The Sergeant has lost another stripe. He is addressing Bugs.

Sergeant: I don’t want no more trouble out of you.

The camera pulls back to show the Sergeant and Bugs standing in front of a hen house with a dozen hens inside.

Sergeant: I want every one of them chickens cleaned and dressed for the officer’s dinner dance tonight.

Bugs (salutes): Aye Aye, sir!

New Scene

The Sergeant is having a quiet cigarette. Bugs marches up behind him, in his 4 sizes too large uniform.

Bugs Bunny: The chickens is ready, your honor.

Bugs about-faces and marches back to the hen house. The Sergeant turns and follows him.

New Scene

Bugs opens the door of the hen house and enters.

Bugs Bunny: All cleaned and dressed for dinner, sir.

The Sergeant enters and his eyes bug out of his head.

The camera turns to show us the chickens all dressed in top hats and tuxedos.

Bugs Bunny: Where are they eating?

New Scene

Aerial shot of the barracks. We hear a hammering sound. Then everyone runs out of the building, helter skelter.

The shot cuts to inside the barracks and we see Bugs hammering up a picture above his bunk – using an ammunition shell as a hammer. (Hitting a shell might make it explode)

The Sergeant runs up to the building, as Bugs is his responsibility, horrified, just in time to have the shell fire straight through where his head should be.
Fortunately, and in true cartoon style, he has ducked and his head is in his shirt

Colonel: Corporal!

The colonel is steaming mad. He turns and we can see the shell has blown a hole in his helmet.

New Scene

The Sergeant has lost another stripe. Bugs has his arm in a sling and has a bandage around his head

Sergeant: What have you got against me, anyway? Why don’t you listen to orders?
You got ears just like all the other guys.

The Sergeant does a double take as he finally notices Bugs’ ears.

Sergeant: Well, anyway, you’re furry all over and got a fuzzy tail, just like all the other…. Diie!

The Sergeant finally realises just what Bugs is.

Sergeant: Jumping Catfish! We’ve inducted a rabbit!

The Sergeant runs off

Sergeant: Hey, General! Hey, somebody! Hey!

New Scene

The colonel’s office. Bugs is standing in front of the desk while the Colonel talks to him

Colonel: I’m very sorry, bunny, its just that congress made no provision for the inducting of rabbits into the United States Armed Forces.

Bugs Bunny: But General, sir! Isn’t there something a patriotic rabbit could do for his country?

General: Well, as a matter of fact, there is a service where you could be useful. Now, I tell you what…

Bugs looks very happy.

New Scene

We see Bugs standing at a conveyer belt as ammunition shells roll by.
He pulls a lever to move the next one to him.
Bugs tenses up and hits the shell with a hammer – he relaxes when nothing happens.
He writes ‘DUD’ on the shell.
He pulls the lever and repeats the process with the next shell

Bugs Bunny: And just think! In 30 years I can retire!

Bugs pulls the lever to test another shell.

Thats All Folks!